chicago

dream // wake

in my dream last night
i lived in Chicago again
but had the job I have
now

i was leaving, moving back,
and (i guess) told them i had to go

it wasn’t 4th of July this time
it wasn’t a month’s notice
it wasn’t saying goodbye to them all
and driving home

i came home and walked into my new job
(that i had somehow had before)
and realized i didn’t love it
i told them
“i left in the middle of the week!
i have to go back
and work two more days.”
the manager wasn’t happy about that.
she frowned and i thought about how long the train ride would be.

but i was seriously considering going back
moving there again
for good, for longer

because what about those kids?
what about watching them grow up?
what about knowing them better next year?

i started to wake up

and realized:
that Chicago-job, the one in the dream
is really the job i have now
i don’t have to move back
i just have to wake up

so I did,
and left for work.

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somewhat-like

i was 22 and about to start on
a new experience, the incredible unknown,
something somewhat like an adventure
i was combing craigslist and calling friends
trying to find someone who would house me for my
awkward living-in-chicago dates and for
less than my life savings.

i was scheduling an interview for wednesday
and wondering
what if!
i got it and i’d be in the city for 7 1/2 more months than i’d originally planned?

and i was wondering (again)
what about money?
why does this job barely pay?
i have one month! what if i don’t find something?
and yet, sometimes, my mom would say
“don’t worry. God knows. Your life is in His hands.”
i liked that.
it was something good to hear for this 22-year-old, this just graduated person, this person about to start out on something new…

i was 22..
no, that’s not quite true.
i am 22. i am just graduated. i am about to start this something new.
i am looking and waiting and praying and worrying and hoping
thinking about what dress to wear
to the interview where i guess i’ll share
this new experience
this incredible unknown,
this something somewhat like an adventure.